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This Willy Wonka Theory is Seriously Dark But Makes Perfect Sense

Don’t say we didn’t warn you…

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    Hold your horses, because this is going to be a bumpy ride, and we’re not sure if you’re going to like it or not (we sure don’t).

    So here at RetroEnt, we love a good fan theory, and we haven’t posted one since our Titanic theory – so it was about time for another one. But this one is pretty dark and may change the way you see Willy Wonka forever.

    Okay, so the theory goes that… Willy Wonka is a MURDERER (we did warn you) and lures all of the children to his chocolate factory to kill them all. Yup.
    Now, when we watched the original Willy Wonka movie in the past (AKA yesterday), we thought that dude was pretty cool. He had a quirky hat, he owned a chocolate factory, and he had some really cool Oompa Loompas as employees. But one Reddit user has come up with a fan theory that chucks all that in the bad egg bin, and incinerates all of our dreams. So what’s the theory?

    Well, the theory goes that Willy Wonka used the Golden Tickets as a ploy to get the kids into his chocolate factory to kill them – because, let’s be honest, only one kid actually comes out of the factory alive (as we never see any of them again), and that’s Charlie.

    So let’s go through each kid (or victims) one by one –

    Augustus Gloop:

    Okay, so Augustus was pretty greedy. We get that. He shouldn’t have eaten from the chocolate river – especially because we already knew he couldn’t swim. He ends up drowning in chocolate before being sucked up by a pipe that was literally pulling all of the air out of his lungs. And Wonka does nothing to stop it. In fact, he tells his Oompa Loompas to look out for him because he might ‘accidentally’ make his way to the boiler room. Did we see him again? Nope.

    Violet Beauregarde:

    We all know the story with Violet, she was an annoying little twit (no offense) who just really loved chewing gum. And Wonka, knowing full well that his own gum made people become blueberries, goaded Violet into eating the gum by calling it the ‘most amazing, fabulous, sensational gum in the whole world.’ I mean, if you’re a champion gum chewer, are you really going to pass down that opportunity? And then, when she becomes a huge, bulbous blueberry, she is taken to the juicing room to either explode… or get crushed by the juicing machine and die.

    Veruca Salt:

    Sure, Veruca was a spoilt brat, but was she really a bad egg? When she falls down the shoot, again, Wonka does nothing. Zilch. Nada. Nil. Instead, he brightens up the mood by telling her father that the shoot goes down to the incinerator which is set alight one day a week – but he’s not sure which one. And if the only way out of the chocolate factory is through the furnace… well, she’s a gonner.

    Mike Teavee:

    There comes a point where people become too obsessed with the TV that an adult needs to intervene. But not Wonka. He actively encouraged Mike Teavee into the TV room to be shrunk down. I mean, really? And then sends him to the taffy pulling machine to make him human size again. Is anyone really going to survive being stretched from a tiny human to a huge human? Well, we hope not. Because that would have to hurt.

    Charlie Bucket:

    So Charlie was the odd one out. He survived. But according to the theory, this wasn’t what Wonka wanted. Remember the room of bubbles, where Charlie and Grandpa Joe float toward the huge, human-sucking, shredder fan? Yep, they nearly got caught in it. And they probably would have died if it wasn’t for Grandpa Joe needing to burp. So Wonka kept Charlie on as a murdering apprentice, and to teach him the ways of murdering innocent (although pretty annoying) kids.

    And if you want even more evidence – just look towards the Oompa Loompas and their singing. How did they know that each child was going to die in THAT SPECIFIC WAY? How did they know to include those lyrics? Unless it was planned all along?

    We need a lie-down.

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