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The Funniest Misheard Song Lyrics of Our Generation

Does anyone else hear, ‘I want to hold your ham?’


Have you ever been so into singing the best retro songs at the top of your lungs when someone has the audacity to tell you you’ve been singing the lyrics wrong the whole time? Breaks you heart a little, doesn’t it? Well, you’re probably not the only one. Take a look at the funniest misheard song lyrics of our generation…

Bon Jovi – ‘Livin’ On A Payer’

Misheard lyric: ‘It doesn’t make a difference if we’re naked or not.’

Actual lyric: ‘It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not.’

When listening along to this song – Bon Jovi is either really raunchy, or really underwhelming. And we really liked to go along with the raunchy version. But alas, it isn’t true. Instead, he’s really underwhelming. You know, in terms of the lyrics. Not him as a person. We love you, Jovi.

Bob Dylan – ‘Blowing In The Wind’

Misheard lyric: ‘The ants are my friend, and they’re blowin’ in the wind.’

Actual lyric: ‘The answer my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.’

Maybe Bob Dylan just really liked ants? Although we’re not sure why he’d let them just blow in the wind if they were his friends. He should at least get them to safety in an ant farm or let them free in his back garden or something.

Starship – ‘We Built This City’

Misheard lyric: ‘We built this city on sausage rolls.’

Actual lyric: ‘We built this city on rock ‘n’ roll.’

We were actually pretty disappointed when we found out that the city wasn’t really built on sausage rolls. Because that is something we could really get behind. We guess rock and roll is a close second. We can deal with that.

TLC – ‘Waterfalls’

Misheard lyric: ‘Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls.’

Actual lyric: ‘Don’t go chasing waterfalls.’

Okay, so who is Jason Waterfalls? Well, whoever he was – TLC were pretty upset when they left. But of course, they really sang ‘Don’t go chasing waterfalls.’ We’re not quite sure why we need to be told not to chase them in the first place, but thanks anyways, TLC.

AC/DC – ‘Dirty Deeds’

Misheard lyric: ‘Dirty deeds and the Dunder Kings.’

Actual lyric: ‘Dirty deeds and they’re done dirty cheap.’

When singing this song, we always used to say ‘Dunder Kings.’ We didn’t know who these Dunder Kings were, or what they did, but we felt a deep connection to them, you know? That’s until we found out that they weren’t actually saying Dunder Kings…

Nirvana – ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’

Misheard lyric: ‘I’m a skittle! I’m a beetle.’

Actual lyric: ‘A mosquito, my libido.’When we were singing this one, we didn’t quite get what Kurt Cobain meant by calling himself a skittle and a beetle. But in actual fact, we have no idea what the actual lyrics mean either. But we’ll go along with it. It’s a classic.

Aretha Franklin – ‘Respect’

Misheard lyric: ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Take care, chi seed me.’

Actual lyric: ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Take care, TCB.’

Now, this is the kind of song you just have to sing at the top of your lungs. I mean, it’s kinda the law (It’s not, but it should be). But if you’re singing it wrong, people will know. But it really isn’t ‘chi seed me’ – instead, it means ‘Taking Care of Business (TCB)’ because you’re a bad boss and get shizz done.

ABBA – ‘Dancing Queen’

Misheard lyric: ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tangerine.’

Actual lyric: ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine.’

For a few years, we were pretty confused by the Swedish Europop group’s allegiance to the Orange and tangerine family – and then we realized that tambourine made a lot more sense. Because they’re a band…they have instruments…and a tambourine. And no tangerines.

Queen – ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’

Misheard lyric: ‘Saving his life from this warm sausage tea.’

Actual lyric: ‘Spare him his life from this monstrosity.’

We all love Bohemian Rhapsody, right? But let’s be honest, we’re not really sure what any of the lyrics are, we just kinda shout in a tunely fashion and go from there. But this one really got to us, and we really thought we were saving his life from that warm sausage tea. (Mmm, warm sausage tea).

The Eurythmics – ‘Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)’

Misheard lyric: ‘Sweet dreams are made of cheese.’

Actual lyric: ‘Sweet dreams are made of these.’

In all honesty, we really think The Eurythmics should just change the lyrics altogether for this one. But sweet dreams really are made of cheese. Everyone loves cheese. Everyone loves this song. Why not mix them together and make everyone happy?

Johnny Nash – ‘I Can See Clearly Now’

Misheard lyric: ‘I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone.’

Actual lyric: ‘I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.’

We don’t know who Lorraine is, but we’re glad she’s gone so Johnny Nash can see clearly again. He’s wiped her away, just like rain on a windshield. Oh, wait…it really was rain. Oops, sorry, Lorraine. No offense.

Madonna – ‘Papa Don’t Preach’

Misheard lyric: ‘Poppadom preach’

Actual lyric: ‘Papa don’t preach’

Now, we absolutely love Madonna. But we also have an intense love for Poppadoms. So when we thought they featured in Madonna’s single, we were pretty happy. But then we found out that she wasn’t really talking about our favorite Indian takeaway snack and we had to order some to eat our feelings…

The Monkees – ‘I’m A Believer’

Misheard lyric: ‘Then I saw her face, now I’m gonna leave her.’

Actual lyric: ‘Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer.’

Yep, we really thought these were the lyrics. We always wondered why The Monkees were being so mean to this poor girl. It turns out, we were kinda wrong – and they were actually pretty decent guys. Soz.

The Beatles – ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand’

Misheard lyric: ‘I want to hold your ham.’

Actual lyric: ‘I want to hold your hand.’

We would have been a bit confused with The Beatles if they wanted to hold our ham. I mean, can’t they just got to the supermarket and get their own ham? Why did they want ours? Oh, they meant our hand. Sure, you can hold our hand.

ABBA – ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme’

Misheard lyric: ‘Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight, take me to the doctors at the break of the day.’

Actual lyric: ‘Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight, take me through the darkness to the break of the day.’

We’re kinda glad ABBA aren’t going to the doctors after seeing a man at midnight. After all, that just sounds pretty dodgy. Instead, they’re just going through the darkness, sleeping through the night, and waking up in the morning fresh as a daisy. Phew.

The Bee-Gee’s – ‘More Than A Woman’

Misheard lyric: ‘Bald-headed woman…bald-headed woman to me.’

Actual lyric: ‘More than a woman…more than a woman to me.’

We really admired The Bee-Gee’s for a while back in the day. Not judging women by their looks, not caring about their hair, and embracing a good ol’ bald head. We dig that. But they weren’t actually singing about bald heads, unfortunately.

Nirvana – ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’

Misheard lyric: ‘Here we are now, in containers.’

Actual lyric: ‘Here we are now, entertain us.’

Yep, another Nirvana one. Because let’s be honest, we don’t really know what they sing about half the time. But we got a bit concerned when listening to ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ and wondered if they needed a hand getting out of their Tupperware. But it turns out; they were fine. Although a bit demanding.

Hot Chocolate – ‘You Sexy Thing’

Misheard lyric: ‘I remove umbilicals.’

Actual lyric: ‘I believe in miracles.’

Okay, so we were pretty taken aback when we heard Hot Chocolate talking about removing umbilical cords in their song. Maybe they were midwives without us knowing about it? Nope, it was just another misheard lyric. ‘I believe in miracles’ sounds much better.

R.E.M – ‘Losing My Religion’

Misheard lyric: ‘Let’s pee in the corner, let’s pee in the spotlight.’

Actual lyric: ‘That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight.’

This one kind makes sense, alright? Maybe he was writing a song about his time on stage when he really, really needed the toilet? Well, turns out he wasn’t. A lot funnier if he was, though. We’re still going to sing it that way.

Fifth Dimension – ‘Aquarius’

Misheard lyric: ‘This is the dawning of the Age of Asparagus.’

Actual lyric: ‘This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.’

For a while, we honestly thought that Fifth Dimension was singing about their most recent health kick that meant they could only eat Asparagus. I mean, we like Asparagus. But a song about it is perhaps a bit too much? Instead, they just really liked star signs. Aquarius in particular.

Chaka Khan – ‘I’m Every Woman’

Misheard lyric: ‘I’m Terry Wogan.’

Actual lyric: ‘I’m every woman.’

We’re really sad that Chaka Khan didn’t actually sing about the late, great Terry Wogan. We love women. But we also love Terry Wogan, and we really feel he deserved his own song. Maybe a remix is on the cards? Please?

John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John – ‘One That I Want’

Misheard lyric: ‘You’re the wobbly one.’

Actual lyric: ‘You’re the one that I want.’

To be honest, if you watch Grease and watch the scene where they perform their song – they could be calling each other the ‘wobbly’ one on those fairground rides. We’d be pretty wobbly if we were in the shake shack too. And they did have chills that were multiplying, after all…

Will Smith – ‘Gettin’ Jiggy With It’

Misheard lyric: ‘Kick a chicken with it.’

Actual lyric: ‘Gettin’ jiggy with it.’

We’ve always really liked Will Smith, but we were pretty surprised when we heard he liked kicking things with chickens. I mean, each to their own, but that kind of thing is pretty frowned upon. Thankfully, he was only getting jiggy with it.

Cutting Crew – ‘I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight’

Misheard lyric: ‘I just died in your barn tonight, mustard no mayonnaise instead.’

Actual lyric: ‘I just died in your arms tonight, it must have been something you said.’

Cutting Crew’s song proved a talking point when we first heard it – were they talking about mayonnaise? The lyrics sounded more like the kind of thing people say in their sleep. A.K.A gobbledegook. But it turns out they were just singing about death instead. I think we preferred the mustard-no-mayo reference.

Sir Mix-A-Lot – ‘Baby’s Got Back’

Misheard lyric: ‘I like big butts in a can of limes.’

Actual lyric: ‘I like big butts and I cannot lie.’

We’ve always known that Sir Mix-A-Lot liked big butts – because basically, he can’t lie about it. But there was a short period where we thought he liked big butts in a can of limes. I mean, we didn’t even know you could get cans of limes. So that was news to us.

Queen – ‘We Will Rock You’

Misheard lyric: ‘Kicking your cat all over the place.’

Actual lyric: ‘Kicking your can all over the place.’

We’ve always loved Queen – but we were pretty taken aback when we found out that he liked to kick cats all over the place. I mean, we’ve already talked this through with Will Smith. But it’s okay; he was only kicking cans instead. We hope he picked them up after he kicked them though. Littering is not cool.

Elvis Presley – ‘Suspicious Minds’

Misheard lyric: ‘We’re caught in a trout.’

Actual lyric: ‘We’re caught in a trap.’

Elvis Presley was obviously a very keen fisher. He liked to sing about trout and about catching them in a trap. Or maybe we were just so transfixed by his face that we actually didn’t listen properly and misheard his lyrics. That could work too.

Sister Sledge – ‘We Are Family’

Misheard lyric: ‘Let me just staple the vicar.’

Actual lyric: ‘Just let me state for the record.’

When we first heard this song, we genuinely thought these lovely ladies were singing about stapling a vicar. We couldn’t quite understand why. I mean, that’s gotta hurt. But it turns out they were actually getting ready to tell the truth. Much better than stapling a vicar.

The Police – ‘Message In A Bottle’

Misheard lyric: ‘A year has passed since I broke my nose.’

Actual lyric: ‘A year has passed since I wrote my note.’

We were really upset to hear that Sting broke his nose. But we did wonder how he managed to hide that from us, considering we were such big The Police fans. But thankfully, his nose was fine. But he was getting a bit groggy because it had been a year since he wrote his note and still had no reply.

ABBA – ‘Chiquitita’

Misheard lyric: ‘Take your teeth out, tell me what’s wrong.’

Actual lyric: ‘Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong.’

We get you, ABBA. Sometimes, there’s just nothing better than taking your teeth out, and letting loose all of your problems to your friends. Just so much more comfortable, right? I mean, yeah…we knew they were talking to us in Spanish. Totally.